A little introduction:
Branco Flaec is NOT my real name.
I am a forty-one year old man, I live in Denmark and work as a programmer for a large retailer.
Last year I met a lovely and funny Brazilian woman, 11 years my junior. After a few but very intense months of Net romance we met IRL, and we spent a month together, then married.
There were plenty of signs that all was not well with her, however: Extreme and sudden mood swings, extreme possessiveness, spats of intense jealousy, unwarrented feelings of abandonment and betrayal, and almost daily threats of suicide.
At first I attributed it to the many changes she was going through in her life - she had lost her father, to whom she was extremely close, to cancer just a couple of weeks before coming over here, she had left behind her widowed mother and a pregnant and unmarried younger sister, as well as given up her job in a bank on a whim, and moved to a strange country, where she didn't speak the language, and generally didn't know what laid in wait for her.
But it didn't get better with time, and then recently one day, quite by chance, I read someone (Helen over at http://everydaystranger.net/) describing BPD , or Borderline Personality Disorder, and rather shockingly it was like reading someone describing my Dear Wife.
I have yet to talk to her about this, as I wanted to learn more about BPD first, and as I am not convinced that telling her that I think she is mentally ill would be helpful in any way. Also she would probably not be able to get any significant treatment here, due to language barriers.
What is BPD then? A good description can be found at http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/bpd.htm, from where the following is taken:
DSM Definition of BPD
A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships,
self-image, and affects (mood swings), and marked Impulsivity beginning by early
adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more)
of the following:1.Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. (Desperation / rage if they think they are being abandoned, intense feelings of sadness, loss and fear when their partner is away, a need to have access to the partner at all times, inability to allow their partner their own life and friends, a belief that healthy independence in their partner is a threat to them.)
2.A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. (The partner of the person with BPD, friends, coworkers or the person with BPD themself is seen as wonderful or perfect, or as evil and rotten. People and things are seen as rigidly black and white by people with BPD - there is no normal middle ground.) People with BPD are highly intolerant of / unable to deal with the gray areas in life. This is called "splitting."
3.Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. (Confusion about goals, career, life choices, sexuality or sexual orientation. Persistent questions and discomfort with their perceived role in life. Pervasive issues related to "who am I" and "what is my role in the world". Many people with BPD change careers frequently or enter careers that give them a clearly defined framework and sense of identity, like large corporations or the military. Others fall prey to cults or fundamentalist religions that control all aspects of their life. Fundamentalism can be comforting for people with BPD since the "black and white" nature of these religions give them a framework that fits their world view.)
4.Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging e.g., uncontrolled spending, reckless driving, substance abuse, dangerous sexual acts or unsafe sex, binge eating, thrill seeking or risk taking behaviors.
5.Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior. This can be manifested as overt suicide attempts, drug or alcohol abuse, unsafe sexual behavior, or as a pattern of "living dangerously"; this also includes cutting, burning, piercing, and sexual self mutilation.
6.Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days. (People with BPD are intensely moody and volatile emotionally - mood swings and huge shifts occur seemingly "out of nowhere". This is why people with BPD are often misdiagnosed as having Bipolar disorder, and therefore improperly medicated.)
7.Chronic feelings of emptiness. (Generally manifested as sadness, loneliness, isolation, aimlessness, feeling empty without a project or relationship to distract them. People with BPD's low self esteem is often masked by public displays of ego, feelings of superiority or an intense need to control themselves, other people, places and events.)
8.Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger e.g., frequent displays of temper, uncontrolled anger, violent rages, recurrent physical fights, threats, sexualized expression of anger through violent or abusive sex.
9.Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms. (BPD may manifest as a belief that those who love them wish to hurt, control or destroy them. This is especially common in times of stress. Ongoing belief that they are being followed, threatened, observed or are always at risk. BPD's see the world as a dangerous and frightening place and remain constantly on guard, even in safe environments and with safe people.)
No comments:
Post a Comment